We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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