Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
