Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
