The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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