Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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