Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
