she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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