I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
