you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
40s are totally the cure
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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