Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
