If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
