I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You are a genius and a whore.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
