Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
