So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
