I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
