Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Randomize
