sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
