You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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