Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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