I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
