I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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