sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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