Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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