Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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