you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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