I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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