thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
