I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
