you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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