i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
