I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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