I want to stick my p in your. b.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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