My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
