Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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