I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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