Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
