Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
