just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
