Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
