My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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