I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
