Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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