Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
my liver is dry heaving
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
