Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
