how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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