zippers are such a cool invention
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
