you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Michael Bay diarrhea
well you can't waste a boner
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
