I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
zippers are such a cool invention
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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