wrigley field is MILF paradise
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
3 2 1 whiskey
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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