The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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