one might say we're banned from that church
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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