I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
