The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
