So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
