I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
