halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
