Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
