I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
