How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
