My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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