I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
