Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
