I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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