she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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