Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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